The ‘Devouring Mother’, the first time I learnt of the concept was from Canadian clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson. The term is often used in connection with psychoanalysis and Jungian psychology.
It is used to describe a parental figure who is overprotective, smothering, neglectful or exploitative. This parental figure may often live vicariously through the child/children. The child becomes unable to express his/her independence and is grossly hampered in emotional development.
Children, who are reared in an environment where their every want is met, and every wish fulfilled, but are denied individuation, are bound to be somewhere along the spectrum of narcissism.
It is no wonder that narcissistic behaviour is on the rise in modern-day society in Goa and the world at large, as parents choose to have no more than one or two children and seem enslaved to them.
They must do all and everything for their precious ones, mindlessly giving in to them without question. These children, thus reared, have little to no empathy and are wrapped up in their own world, lending no thought to anyone else’s inconvenience or hardship but their own.
It is no wonder that narcissistic behaviour is on the rise in modern-day society in Goa and the world at large, as parents choose to have no more than one or two children and seem enslaved to them.
I met Ryan when he was about 21. At first instance, he was dismissive of me. I wasn’t interesting enough and I was old. I found him incredibly judgemental and rude. Even as a guest at his house, he would look through me.
I have no idea what I had done to upset him. Perhaps, I hadn’t fawned over him quite as much as his parents’ other guests, the dastardly introvert that I am. Also, don’t forget, I was ‘old’ (33-years-old at the time).
As I observed the family dynamics, I realised that he was a 21-year-old with the emotional intelligence of a 12-year-old. I’d never heard a grown man speak like a child.
The whole “Nnnyah, nnnyah! I don’t care, I hope you fall over it!” in response to his father cautioning him about the safety hazard the rock he had placed in the garden was causing, was a tad unsettling.
I then paid attention to his parents speaking to him. It was baby talk. And, I’m not making this up. I could not, for the life of me, fathom why his parents would be conversing with him in that manner. However, it was an eye-opener as to Ryan’s infantile behaviour.
What it had enforced in this man-child was that he did not have to take responsibility for any of his selfish/self-centred behaviour, because mummy and daddy were always going to be there to pick up after him.
I’m certain speaking childishly to your growing child, beyond a particular age, is actually detrimental to their emotional development.
What it had enforced in this man-child was that he did not have to take responsibility for any of his selfish/self-centred behaviour, because mummy and daddy were always going to be there to pick up after him.
The conversations were always cajoling and coddling instead of telling this young man off once in a while. Every child is (hopefully) the apple of their parents’ eyes, but to never allow your child to be aware of his failings is one way to murder his soul.
Too many young people these days lack a healthy, balanced understanding of their weaknesses and strengths because parents can’t ever find fault with them.
However, this style of child-rearing had its foundation in solid reasoning on the part of the mother. She was grooming her son to become a doctor, you see.
As a child, he’d had his mind set on veterinary medicine. She had weaned him away from the less palatable version of a doctor to set him on course to treating human beings. I’m not sure what sort of a bedside manner she assumed he’d have with his general attitude towards life and his fellow humans.
We have too many entitled young people who have no ability to introspect and gauge what their core self is driving them to achieve because it is constantly stifled by family and society.
Every step of the way, this man-child received expensive gifts as bribes. Even when he tried to assert himself and take responsibility for paying off his educational loan (I applaud him for trying), he was told that the parents would deal with it.
One day, while bragging about her son’s accomplishments, the truth behind the mother’s frenzied desire to make her son a doctor came out. It was her ambition -- an ambition that was thwarted by her family not being economically stable enough to support her endeavour.
I cannot comprehend how a parent could control their child to the extent that she has, in terms of his professional career, almost like an automaton. It’s as if he has not a soul, not an identity of his own. He was born only to fulfil her desires and aspirations.
I sadly watch him in his infantilism and wonder how it will end. The whole thing is disturbing, to say the least. Is it any wonder that the world is experiencing a mental health epidemic?
We have too many entitled young people who have no ability to introspect and gauge what their core self is driving them to achieve because it is constantly stifled by family and society. It is a sorry state of affairs, and those hidden demons will catch up with them someday.
There are losers all around in this story, which is a common one in the Indian context. But, I can still hope that someday Ryan will throw off his shackles, and maybe set up an NGO for the animals he genuinely loves. And, even if he still hates my guts, I will be rooting for him.